Holt-thanksgivingThis Thanksgiving, I have much to be thankful for friends, family, health and breath. But what I am most thankful for is 5 amazing years with Charlie. Charlie made me a mother. He gave me the opportunity to watch him grow, to hold his hand and walk along side him from infancy to the beginning of childhood. Charlie showed me how to appreciate the world in a way that only a child is capable of. He made getting ice cream or going to the beach or even playing in the backyard an exciting adventure. Everything is new, cherished and enjoyed to the fullest when you experience it through the eyes of a child.

While my heart breaks everyday in his absence, Charlie was the greatest gift God has given me. Charlie’s life showed me what our Father felt when He sent His only son to die on the cross for our sins. I believe God felt sadness in so many ways but He also knew that no matter what happened to His son, the pain and suffering would be no match for the eternal love and life Jesus would bring to this world. God new that love would stand the test of pain and suffering.

I feel that for Charlie as the days pass to weeks and months. The longer I am without Charlie, the more love I feel for my son. I know God’s story of His son Jesus is by far more significant than my own, but It still helps me understand what I believe God wants us to know. True love is eternal. Love does not die, in fact, I believe it grows.

I have considered the last 7 months, the tears, the anger and the grief and think back to the first conversations of Michael and I talking about starting a family. How thankful we were when we found out we were pregnant, how thankful when we had that healthy baby baby and how much love he brought to our lives. And I think if I could do it over again, would I change anything? Even if I knew Charlie’s fate as God knew Jesus’s fate before he was even born of this world, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would do it all over again just the same way knowing the outcome. I would love and lose Charlie a thousand times over again.

So this Thanksgiving, I pray that you will feel God’s everlasting love upon you and your family. I pray that you will find thankfulness in the opportunity to love others without fear of loss because love is unending, eternal and the greatest gift we have to give.

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