Life is hard. It is the simple truth. Try as we may, that will never change. Let’s be honest, before Charlie died, life wasn’t always without flaws. We are human and we all have our “crap.” We have our insecurities, relationship issues, bad childhood experiences that have morphed into adult phobias and fears. We all need a sounding board, someone to help us calm our irrational thoughts and validate our rational ones. Taking care of your mind is just as important, if not more, in my opinion, than taking care of your body. Our mind is the hub of our being. It affects how we treat our body, ourselves, and others.
That’s where “My Boo” comes in … and no, I’m not referring to Michael. I’m talking about our therapist. Within days after Charlie died, before we even had his memorial service, we were in our therapist’s office. I’m not even sure we understood how much we needed a therapist at that point, but I’m thankful that my dear friend scheduled the appointment. It’s been over a year since we met “My Boo,” and the dates we have with her are never missed.
The time we spend with our therapist is sacred to me. You know the saying, “I love Jesus and wine”? Well, if you don’t, you should. Now add in “My Boo” and that’s a motto I can live by! I truly believe that without therapy, Michael and I would not be surviving. And I say surviving in the present tense because we will always be working through something as it relates to Charlie, his death, and how our lives and family are affected by the loss. As time passes, new insecurities, questions, and irrational thoughts surface and the 60 minutes we spend each week sorting through those things is priceless.
In a recent session, I was talking to “My Boo,” telling her about a situation that has been upsetting me. I said to her, “I just wish I had someone I could cry to without risk of judgement or fear of offense.” Then, in the midst of tears, I realized that was my therapist. I laughed out loud, still blotchy in the face and said, “Wait! That’s you!!”
Don’t get me wrong, our family, friends, and neighbors are an integral part of us continuing to survive this journey of loss, anger, and grief. We are fortunate to have so many people that love us in our corner. But my point is that oftentimes society casts a view that therapy is for the weak, the broken, and those who are lost. But truthfully, I take a different view. Therapy is simply for those who want to experience growth and become their best self. If you are not at your best, you can’t possibly be the best for those around you.
When I reflect on my life thus far, I think about paths I have taken and struggles that I have endured. Many of those obstacles might have been mitigated if I had someone like my therapist to talk it through with. But I can’t go back, only forward. And as such I will continue to make my appointments, allow myself to yell, cry and share, and hopefully in doing the work, grow to be a better version of myself.
Just as you need air to fill your lungs, you need someone to listen, without judgement, to your heart. There is a person for that … a therapist.
But get your own “Boo” … because mine is taken =)
